at 7:20pm

It's 7:20pm in my clock and i'm still wide awake. I admit i miss writing even just a paragraph here, but laziness had struck me for the past months. Rodel, has been almost forcing me to blog, but I prefer to travel to slumberland and dream about my baby. BTW, he is my hubby now. We tied the knot last August 28, 2009 and started building our own home. Only change is constant and I have been dealing with these changes so hard. I am a wife, mother to be, and a career woman. I have to change identity three times in a day. Well, I'm learning to enjoy it. Hahaha!

What's my world outside blogging? ha! Sleeping beauty is awake! Gone were the days where I lived by myself. Gone were the days of shopping spree. Only ice cream and fries remain in my what to buy list. hehehehe...

1. I have been tiring myself typing eight hours a day for our day to day living expenses.
2. I have been praying hard to be free of my ailments. I freak out even if it's just colds. Paranoid? yeah maybe.
3. I have been starting planning for my baby.
4. I have been checking the net now and then for recipes. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I should keep him love me more not less.
5. I have been busy daydreaming of a baby girl dancing sandara's fire 2ne1. Isn't it cute?
6. I have been thinking what else is next to this list....

To make this short, I just can't sleep. It's 7:42pm in my clock right now and amazingly Rodel's district 9 is done downloading. Okay, I'll end it here. It's time to sleep.

on my way to my greatest journey

Two months have passed since my last post. You, readers, might be saying I am busy with school. Yeah, I was excited to attend class, but I withdrew. It is because I'm on my way to my greatest journey, motherhood. To my surprise, I had a positive pregnancy test two days after I enrolled. Anna was there. She assisted me because I didn't know what to do. My paranoia attacked me. I was still in denial though I repeated the test after a week. I went to see a doctor and she wanted me to have an ultrasound. On the day I had my first ultrasound, my heart was beating fast. I don't like hospitals. I don't like tests. I didn't have other way of knowing or assuring myself unless I would try my first. I saw him/her. I heard his/her first heartbeat. My heart melted like ice cream and blood was rushing all over my body. All I wanted was to cry. It is not because I can't attend classes anymore, but because I was overjoyed. Now, I can feel him/her everyday. With all the things, I have been going through, I only got one reason to live...to dream...to be strong...to remain healthy. I will soon have my baby. This is the most beautiful blessing God has given to me. I promise that I will raise children who will please Him.

self update

I'm busy lately. I just hope I'm not causing myself to stress too much. The brighter side, I believe, the wicked witch of my life has disappeared for quite a long time. That one person causing my paranoia, jealousy, insecurity, and the like. If there is one thing to wish, I want her to disappear forever! I have been sneaking Rodel's phone from time to time and gladly, her messages are not flooding as if she doesn't know how to sleep. When it comes to Rodel, there is no night or day for her. hmp! I'm praying for her healing to be honest! She stole my valentine's gift to him and deleted all my photos in this pc. And it is so unfair Rodel didn't let me tore his graduation picture with her beside.

So what's keeping me busy?

I'm going to law school, finally, after four long years of unproductivity and idleness. My brain cells are kicking and alive now. It has been inactive for the past four years. I was kinda disappointed after getting the same IQ score way back 2001. Rodel keeps on bullying me. If only I did something healthy for the brain, reading perhaps.

I had my interview with the assistant dean before the enrollment proper. His room was like an extension of the north pole. 'Twas freezing. I could hardly open my mouth. Anyway, as expected, he asked me that one million dollar question. "why law?" Of course, I have prepared my "miss universe" answer for that. C'mon, it's not world peace okay! Hahahaha. As long as we are on earth, there is no peace! So what was my answer? mmmmmmmm.. I'll reserve it for the first day of classes hek hek hek. I was not able to give all my answers, we were so into our conversation..ooops.. actually, he was! I was in a hurry to pay the cashier and finish everything.

So what now?

I have to go home and pack all my formal wardrobe back here. I cannot attend my classes wearing skinny jeans. I got only one pair of slacks. I have to get rid of my slippers from now and get myself used to wearing close shoes. It's really like old school.

What feels like to be a student?

Cool?! yeah, you would get discounts anywhere! I was walking at the mall while waiting for the registrar to open and saw this salon offering discounts to students... Every time, I will ride a public transpo, I'll ask for a student privilege even if it means arguing the ignorant driver. Sorry! he better not complain.

Education is one thing that cannot be taken away from you, not even the wicked witch you're evading. I am tired lying in my bed and cause myself to recall the bad times. I have a dead-end job. I wouldn't wish to stay old typing the whole eight hours. I must make something different in my life and being self sufficient is one. If my employer loses business? (knock on wood?!) what will become of me? This really worries me. I know that I cannot save a portion of my fixed income, but what if I will die tomorrow? I cannot bring it with me to hell or heaven...wherever... At least I did something productive even if it took me so long to do it. At least I did something educational. At least I did something for self-development, self-advancement, personal growth and all for myself.

As what I have learned in this hard life, we must not allow ourselves to become dependent on other people, not even to loved ones. At the end of the day, we return to our own abode. We are accountable to ourselves. We make our lives.

The question is "what have we done?" not "what they have done to us?"

how much is a miracle?

If only I can buy one over the counter, I would buy more than a dozen. I need a miracle so badly. Do I have to live my whole life with fear of losing him?

shocking revelation

The face-off took place at his boarding house. I received two text messages from him or her? "or" because it was the ex-gf's number. All my nerves were shaking. I called his landline, to my surprise, it was her who answered. At that moment, I started drowning. I asked a few questions then ended the conversation. As I was about to go out from my house searching air to breathe, my phone rang. It was her. Unexpectedly the two of us talked. He was crying in pain I guess. I am not questioning their six year, it is just that how about me? Am I going back to scratch and start all over again? I learned shocking revelations from her. It was all against Rodel. Guess, I have not known him yet. I pitied her somehow. She was crying like a baby. I pulled all the force I could gather to keep cool and sane. My blood was rushing all over my face and my hands were shaking. Now, I hate this part. She mentioned how Rodel treated her badly and how he was womanizing. Gosh! I wanted to stop those truths? (that I have to hear from him straight) entering my mind. All the things she said to me repeatedly echoed. As I was walking looking for food, I started to feel numb. I even feel like a paralyzed man sitting now with only my fingers capable of moving. I am good person...a good person...I don't deserve being hurt all over again. If he was faking all these times, for five months, how could he sleep soundly at night. My family welcomed him as well as my friends... how could he do this if this is true? I'm waiting for his words.

the face-off

The month of April is nearly over. It has been a long time since I seek refuge with my monologue. For the past two weeks, a lot of nerve wracking heart jumping sequence of events have occurred. It's the ex-gf thing again...dealing with it... getting rid of it...even understanding it. I'm also an ex of someone and our story also has finally ended. As I've said with my older post, I still can't figure the good in goodbye when it becomes a must. She has a bf at the present time and her ex is my Rodel. I did not dig deep what had transpired during their six years of on and off. All I know, they were no longer a couple when I entered his world. Rodel keeps on receiving text messages and calls. Bottom line, she still loves my man and won't give up. For me, she should have been cautious with that cool-off at the first place. Rodel and I just reserved for our future house and lot and here she comes haunting us..cursing us...I have been praying for her peace and happiness. This is true. I'm not a bad person as what others might think. I have been controlling myself not to be bitchy. She has been calling my house constantly spying I guess. Even if she won't utter a word, I know it is her on the other line. I feel sick, nauseated specifically. Rodel concluded I may have a GERD, but little did he knew it was more of my mental and emotional state. I am stressed and my gastritis is acting up again. It is killing me slowly. The two will have their talk a few minutes from now...or maybe they are already talking. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they will settle their issues, past and present. May they forgive each other and set each other free from whatever keeps them moving on. I'm praying also for myself to be strong. May Rodel and I be totally free.

thank you!

I had you unexpectedly and in an unusual way for me. i tried to look the bad in you at first so i could not give anything more than friendship. time flew so fast and i was slowly opening my soul to you. i had loved once and failed. it torn me apart and you found me while i was still picking up the pieces. and inspite of those things i was looking at first, i found an angel. you were my knight and shining armor without you knowing. you made me feel worth loving when i felt i was not worthy to be loved by any man. i never asked you to be my superman, but you became one even in your sloppiest and funniest way. you kept kissing my forehead and it made me feel more loved when i thought there could be nothing sweeter than the lips. the way you hold my hands made me feel like a baby who just learned walking. those hands guided me in the right direction. the day, you introduced me to your God, I was sorry for abandoning my God. that is why i always want you to go to church with me because I am thankful to Him for giving you to me. Just like Abraham who offered Isaac, i also offer you to Him. even if you say i don’t have a pretty face a thousand times, yet i feel i am the most beautiful woman. even if we walk a lot or just ride a jeepney, i feel riding in a magic carpet with you. i could not feel that my feet were already tired. due to my poor memory, you patiently keep on reminding me that we have each other. that is why everyday i always recall day one until the present because you are one wonderful memory i don’t want to forget. until the day came when i was afraid to close my eyes. and up to now…i am afraid that when i open my eyes, i might not see you.. before you came, i felt i was doomed to a life full of loneliness. you brought a pocket full of sunshine. then you took me to your secret place full of dreams and hopes. i took a deep breath and felt my heart beating…you taught me how to love again when i thought loving was part of the many memories i lost. now comes the hardest part, losing you. whatever it takes, i will always be thankful to you for being a part of my life, for being a passenger in my bus, for being my guide on my journey, for being my shelter, and for being you… words are not even enough to say how much i love you.

goodbye

When was the first time I uttered the word goodbye? It was when mama and papa was going to work and I was left with my yaya. "buh-bye darling!" Probably, like all other kids left at home, I was crying on top of my lungs. "buh-bye darling!" this phrase has been said all over again up to the present time. During the time my father sent me to school during my elementary years, buh-bye was always paired with a kiss. When my mother flew to Manila to take the bar, she said buh-bye with her right arm waving at the port. I could only remember the heat of my tears as they were rolling on my cheekbones. After my high school graduation rites, we were singing the song "farewell." It was supposed to be a joyous celebration, but why were the people crying and hugging after saying goodbye? After that, I rarely see my two closest friends, Charesse and Kate. I moved in the city to study college eight years ago. My mother accompanied me to my boarding house, but she left later that day to go back to Argao. She uttered "buh-bye darling" and I was left all alone for the nth time. I met Sarah, my first roommate, but she eventually bid goodbye during our second semester. She transferred to another boarding house. I bid goodbye in return and my small room became so big for me. After college, I parted ways with my uddies, Sweet and Jem. I did not receive text messages anymore asking "do you have an assignment for tomorrow's class?" Last April 2007, I left my first employer. I surely was going to miss my second family, my closest officemates. Leaving them was part of my growth. I did say goodbye one cold afternoon. September of the same year, papa left the house. Though goodbye was left unsaid, coming back seemed impossible. Last year, my cousin took her life. I have not heard a word from her for three years. I whispered goodbye on her burial with a lot of what ifs running at the back of my mind. On that same year mother left us for the second time. I could not find the courage to say goodbye while crying like a baby at the airport. On that same year again, von sent me a text message on his way to the airport. For the second time my heart got broken. For the second time he said goodbye. For the second time I was crying hard because of that goodbye... It was final. Now, if there is one person I don't want to say goodbye besides my family, it would be "Rodel". People come and go. Even if to say goodbye would become a must, I still could not see the good in it.

worries

My day started not so well. When I woke up, I saw my globelines bill and was not so happy with it. I had outages during the billing period and I thought there would be deductions or rebate as they call it. I have to call customer service and clarify. I had my routine before going to work and it took me a long time to take a bath. I was just thinking about all these downturn in the economy and how it is affecting me. My day was filled with tension. First of all, we were expecting an announcement from our manager. There are only two things to expect either the good or bad news. An email was sent, but it was not explained yet, within the week Rhen would. Second, Rodel is resigning. It is freaking me out because I'm just concerned with the health insurance his present company offers. He is suffering from GERD since the year started and it seems getting worse everyday. I see no improvement, but more and more symptoms. His frequent heartburns and dizziness is driving me crazy. One time I rushed to his house, but heck! he did not want to go to the hospital. If only I could, how I love to drag him out from his computer chair and kick his ass to lay down in the hospital bed. I could not convince him to hold on with his so boring job as he always claims. For me, learning to love my job does not get me bored at all. It is much more boring staying at home doing nothing than doing a boring job. It is all in the mind. I'm praying for his health and may he finds a job that he will learn to love. Just like I do.

Top 10 Ways to Turn on Your SUPERBRAIN

Seeing is believing and learning. Ninety percent of learning is visual. Our eyes register 36,000 visual impressions per hour. Eighty-five percent of the brain is wired for visual processing. The retina accounts for 40% of all nerves connected to the brain. Color and movement boost learning. Unconscious learning is 99% of the process. At any one time, we focus on seven to nine bits of information consciously. Only 1% of brain cells do conscious processing. Nonverbal cues and positive suggestion are critical to success. Eighty-two percent of classroom communication is nonverbal. Preferred learning styles include visual, auditory, and kinesthetic modes. There are at least eight intelligences: verbal linguistic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, mathematical–logical, musical–rhythmic, spatial, bodily kinesthetic, and naturalist. The new question is not how smart I am, but how am I smart?

Emotional states bind learning. Peak learning happens in peak states when the brain is in high challenge and low stress. During stress/threat, blood can move away from frontal lobes, thereby reducing the ability to think clearly or recall information.

Rhythm. Music allows us to encode information effortlessly. The brain naturally works in 90-minute cycles. Brain Gym can balance the brain. Listening to Mozart may boost memory and thinking. Music at 60 beats per minute may maximize retention.

Brain sex. The male brain is great at hunting (video games, throwing things at other things), and tight focus. The female brain is great for seeing, listening, memorizing, reading, nonverbal cues, and articulating emotion. Build on strengths. Viva la difference!

Recall. The brain is able to retain the equivalent of 500 Encyclopedia Britannica. Recall is best achieved when it is accessed in the state that it was stored; when multiple search engines are used, when knowledge is organized as a pattern, SUPERBRAIN; and when it is embedded in context. Also, information must be meaningful, and meaning is in the mind of the learner. The first, last, and most outstanding items are remembered most often.

Novelty, curiosity, and relevance to immediate survival boost attention. Notice how talk shows and news headlines exploit these techniques. Use movement and stand in different locations to boost attention in the classroom. Add relevant spin to your material to hook and keep attention. Leave plenty of time for reflection and integration of new material.

Imagination is more important than intelligence, as Albert Einstein suggested. Visualizing success as well as writing down goals, are critical steps. The 3% of Yale students who had clear written goals had, 20 years later, 97% of the wealth. Optimism is primarily a left-brain activity. Depression is primarily a right-brain activity.

Nutrition is crucial to effective learning. The brain’s super fuel is oxygen. Its next most important need is water; dehydration lowers learner performance. Protein helps boost memory and attention. Carbohydrates tend to promote release of the relaxant serotonin (hence drowsiness after lunch). Fruit is an excellent source of energy that requires minimal digestion.The brain needs high-quality omega 3 and omega 6 essential fatty acids.

Source: Conyers, M.

my new internet speed connection

After a year of slow internet connection, finally, I am getting up to 1mbps. It was a stressful 365 days of of poor service. I have blogged my disappointment with Globelines twice and now, they appeared at my doorstep ready to fix my problem. I upgraded my plan to 1mbps last February 4, 2009 thinking that my surfing experience would improve. I lost faith in them and even thought of terminating my plan. I even applied for PLDT DSL last month in despair to get a faster connection. PLST DSL failed me. I was waiting for almost 30 days for them to install, but I decided to cancel my application last March 27.

At around 3PM awhile ago, someone from Globelines called me and was asking for problem. For sure, they have a record of all my complaints. I kept on calling them and became irate. The repairman arrived at my pad around 3:30PM. I told him my intermittent problem. I have been bearing with them for a year already, it is just right for them to address my issues and come up with a resolution. I was so excited that finally they were able to put an end to my seemingly endless problem. Someone even called me how the repairman handled the situation.

Globelines is improving and if they continue to provide excellent customer service and service, then expect me to be loyal to them.

Kudos to Globelines!

my PLDT poor sales experience

On the last week of February, PLDT had placed a booth in Ayala Cebu department store. I inquired the plans they offer because I was planning to cut my broadband service with Globelines due to slow connection. I have two blogs about my disappointment with Globelines' and it came to a point that I was so tired of complaining because there is still no resolution. When I passed by the booth, I considered applying thinking that PLDT DSL is much better than my current provider. Last February 27, I hurriedly rushed to Ayala to file my application. Prior to that, their sales agent, Melanie, kept texting me if I would pursue my application. I finally filed my application and paid P1,000 as installation fee. I opted for the cheapest plan. She told me that the installation would take a maximum of 5 working days. One week had passed and I received no feedback from them. I sent a blunt text message to that agent. She told me that she would make a follow-up to the contractor. One time, I called her and she told me that I need to provide a PLDT number nearest to my place so they could trace the cable or whatever it was. I told her that I don't think it would be my problem anymore. What do they want me to do? knock all my neighbors and ask if they have a PLDT landline? It was so ridiculous. It is not the customer's problem. I would appreciate if they had told me that they could not install for whatever reason, I don't care. I want to deal with straightforward people and not someone beating around the bush. I really lost my patience. I kept on calling her and was receiving the same old response. She gave me the number of the contractor though. I called Darvin, the contractor. He told me that he would check my sales order and they would just call me. On March 26, I called Melanie again and told her that I would cancel my aplication and like to get back my P1,000. She just said "okay, just come here tomorrow and get your P1,000. It seems that PLDT does not need customers. I was disappointed with them. I was not expecting to be treated like that. I got back my money though. I would never do business with them ever. It was horrible.

then don't

the sun will always be up there
no matter how tempting to hold its sparkling rays,
it will only burn your hand and get yourself hurt.

what's new

I'm back! I thought I would be able to start blogging after shift, but nah.....I was so sleepy. The telephone ring woke me up. Another lonely night, I guess. My brother/roommate has not been showing up. I just learned yesterday he went to Bohol.

For the last week I was not visiting my monologue, there were events out from left field.

Do you know that Anna and I are now neighbors? She transferred here in my pink apartment. Her room is just across mine. It has been a routine to chew the fat especially when it concerns the IT insensitive boys. Duh!!! There are two of us now walking the dim alley.

I went home last week with Rodel of course. Mother compromised with me, so why not? I wonder if he realizes that I came from a noisy family. My mother and tita are worse than me for your info.

On that same weekend we went home, we discovered that Jang2x has a virtual girlfriend with the "lav yah" text messages. If you could only see my mother freaking out loud. I wonder if my brother starts to fantasize of kissing a girl. haist..I just remember carrying him with my two fragile arms 11 years ago.

Unknowingly, I started my addiction since last week. It is not prohibited drugs by the way, my globelines has gotten better than last year that I could download and stream movies. Imagine how much I can save from not going to movie houses. I don't mind if I don't have a dolby digital sound system. I am contented with the white headset Rodel gave me. Speaking of Rodel, my addiction is getting to his nerves. I hope he understands that I have been lonely in my room for almost a week. I'll just give him a kiss.

I think I will get an Alzheimer's disease before reaching 60. My memory loss is alarming. One time, I could not remember opening the door when my brother arrived from work. He said that it was me who opened it. I could have been raped if it was a pervert...huhuhuhuhu... Three days ago, Rodel called me and he said someone picked up the phone, but he could not hear any sounds. Scary? hope not. Since then, my lampshade is on.

Yesterday, I was busy texting real estate agents because out of the blue, Rodel finally decided to loan for our future house and lot even though his credit card bill is haunting him every now and then.

Aaron, my second brother, finally lose weight. He just looks like my father everyday.

Finally, it was the last court hearing of my parent's annullment case last Tuesday. We are expecting the court's decision any time this year. I am not actually interested. It is all wet. I am not thrilled at all. The fat's in the fire. There is no route to yesterday only tomorrow.

i miss my monologue

Hi,

It has been a long time since i visited my comfort zone, my monologue. I had been busy lately: sleeping, summarizing, streaming movies, talking with anna, and arguing with Rodel.

For the past days, it has been a struggle to stay focus on my job. Maybe because I am not yet over with my 6am shift. My body clock is having a hard time adjusting with my new schedule, gosh 5am!
I am actually sleepy right now. I think it has been a routine feeling sleepy and hungry or sometimes dizzy. I am not pregnant okay, just lack of sleep I guess or bored. Not sure!

Anyway, after the shift today, I am planning of doing the laundry that if my eyes won't shut. It is so darn hot outside after shift and the temperature is draining my energy. Haist.. I'll be right back!

things I learned today

I'm so sleepy today because for the past two days I went out. I usually take a nap at 2pm-6pm every working day. By the way, my shift starts at 5am, so I have to save energy. I am also excited because I'm going home with Rodel.

Anyway, because of boredom due to light workload, Anna and I continued our endless chitchat. Even if it seems that I am unproductive today, I would like to share the things I learned today.

I learned that dukot is scorched rice in english. This has been an ongoing question, I just found the answer up to date. According to wikipedia, it is Guoba in Chinese cuisine, Nurungji in Korean cuisine, and Okoge (food) in Japanese cuisine.

Nurungji is a traditional Korean cuisine consisting of scorched rice. After boiling and serving rice, a thin crust of scorched rice (called "nurungji") will usually be left in the bottom of the pot. Rather than being discarded, this scorched rice is eaten as a snack. It can also be reboiled as nurungji bap, usually a breakfast food.

I learned that ginamos is fermented fish. Anna told me it is called caviar in english which means a processed salted roe of large fish as (sturgeon). Our supervisor, rhen, overheard us and told me it is called fermented fish. There are actually a lot of versions of fermented fish. The way it is cooked and the kind of fish used. In the Philippines, we have ginamos, but in other countries, they also have their own versions. Now I wonder what is bolinaw in english...mmmmmm...

I learned also that our company is hiring and not terminating.. hehehehe.. this is definitely good news.

I learned that Ate Maye cries sometimes when she feels like going home to Catbalogan, Samar, but can't. Who would have thought that a strong independent woman like her feels lonely. We are just humans. Well, I miss people easily. I feel guilty of not going home for almost a month.

Sadly, I learned that my gastritis is getting worse.. huhuhuhu. I just passed out last night and got symptoms of ulcer. Oh my! I cannot afford to get sick in this time of crisis.

These are just a few, there will be more soon!

i so hate his ex-girlfriend

Before anything else, I would like to emphasize that I am just expressing my thoughts. I am not okay with what is happening right now. To my boyfriend who for sure the first person to read this, sorry for feeling this way. She doesn't know anyway about this blog. I am hurting. I don’t need to be reprimanded. If you think I am insane, better tell your ex to back off.

I met my boyfriend exactly four months ago. I was not sure if I met him brokenhearted. He was skinny and pale. I was not sure if it was sorrow or vengeance I saw on his eyes. I just enjoyed talking to him. I was listening to him attentively. The next we knew, we became a couple.

Last December 2008, his ex-girlfriend came out of the picture. It was just like all the soap operas I saw on tv, ex-girlfriend trying to win back the guy. As in OMG! what am I into? First of all, I was never in a love triangle. Second, I had my heart broken twice with the same man (another story). Third, I am a product of a broken home. Fourth, I just lost a cousin. To sum it up, I just lost almost everything, more than half of me perhaps. I had been a lot and losing another loved one would be unbearable already. Why is it so easy to break a heart, but so hard to make it whole again? I was tearing apart again and again. I would not want to go back from the get-go. I just wanted to be happy, that’s all. I did not ask God too much. I did not ask for a handsome man; I was just asking for someone who would love me and stay by me. I did not ask Him to make me rich; having my family is more than any wealth in the world. I cannot take things lightly this time because it has caused me stress. It seems my heart does not know how to get tired. Even if I stumbled a million times, it did not stop me from hoping.

I really want to talk to that girl and settle things with her accordingly. As far as I am concerned, their six year relationship is over. I had also been dumped by my former because he found another. The pain was excruciating, but I just had to give up and let go. I am also a fighter, but I know when to end the battle. It may not be a win-win situation at first, but it will be eventually. Now, that girl has been texting and calling my boyfriend yesterday. As a matter of fact, she knew I was around. The nerve of that girl! I am not an insecure woman, but what she is doing is disturbing me. It is not an issue if they did not burn bridges, but she is acting as if she owns my boyfriend. Take note, she has a fiance, OFW. She is like a mouse playing because the cat is not around. It is still infidelity. Poor guy! He does not know that his girlfriend/fiancee is just using him or whatever her intentions are (it does not concern me). Ooops.. I don’t mean to be rude. Well, she made the first move.


To you E.M.:


*It is rude to call my boyfriend knowing that I exist in his present life, not unless it is about your debt to him. Personal calls are not allowed. Just imagine your fiance’s ex calling him!


*It is rude to compare your relationship you had with him and ours.


*It is rude boasting how you surprised him on his birthday. FYI: I did not buy him a cake because he is on a GERD diet, if you know what that means. Do not assume that I cannot buy him a cake. How immature! There are a lot of ways to celebrate my dear.


*It is rude implying statements that you are the only one capable of loving him. Excuse me, that is not love. You seem so needy to have a boyfriend. You are free to deny, to hell I care.


*It is rude inventing stories that he is still head over heels in love with you. You want me to feel jealous. Go ahead, I don’t have a shallow mind to believe you. I trust my boyfriend, not you.


*Most of all, you have a fiancé and hello?! Why do you still want to hook up with your ex who is my boyfriend.


*I thought there is no turning back. That is your shoutout in your friendster. Stuff that in your big mouth. Action speaks louder than words.


*Stop pretending you have learned to be independent. What you are showing right now just proves what a leech you are.


*Lastly, move on, get a life, set him free, and be happy.

C'mon please don't make life complicated for all of us.

if only

I was walking this morning and the hot temperature was slowly dehydrating me. I did not know there was a strike going on, so I moved forward to catch a ride until I passed by my Alma Mater. I had lots of wonderful memories on that school that I miss doing, but I also had memories that were better off as memories. Just as my feet was taking me a few meters away, lot of things were flashing on my brain. I wish I could ride a time capsule instead of a jeepney. I felt wanting to go back a part of my history instead of heading my way home.

If only I did not cut my morning mass ritual, I would have been more closer to God.
If only I did not get tired of kneeling to pray the rosary, I would have saved lots of souls in purgatory.
If only I stuck with my original plan of proceeding BSA, I would have been a full-fledged CPA.
If only I studied harder, I could have graduated cum laude.
If only I did not take summer classes last 2004, I could still be wearing the earrings and ring my parents gave me.
If only I did not take that same summer class, I could have understood more of auditing problems.
If only I behaved well, I could not have been reprimanded by the SAS office because of PDA.
If only I did not sleep when I was in the library, I would be a genius.
If only I was confident enough, i could have won my table tennis match.
If only I joined the theater guild or school paper, I could have honed my acting and writing skills.
If only I had read the books I compiled, I would not miss the lessons it could teach me.
If only I took up another degree or enrolled in law school, I could not have wasted my four years.
If only I was not too obedient, I would not become rebellious.
If only I had lived each day meaningfully, I would be the happiest man on earth.
If only I was strong, I would not tear apart.

If only....

Time passes by so fast and it is useless to worry in vain. I could have done more, yes I know. The least I could do is to make the most out of my remaining time and resources. I cannot freeze time, but I'll catch up.. promise!

Chateau de Busay

Last March 7, 2009, Rodel and I attended a wedding. We were actually late because I had an appointment prior to the event. The mass was held at Archbishop's Palace. Well, honestly, it is still an argument between me and rodel. He told me it was the Cardinal's Palace while I thought it Archbishop's. Whatever it was, we still made it though we had a mix-up.

The reception was at Chateau de Busay. Here are the sample pictures of the venue. I have heard about it and it was actually my first time to set foot on the place. It is such a romantic place overlooking the city lights . You would surely enjoy the fresh air. It is truly ideal for occasions like wedding and birthdays. They have more than enough space to accommodate visitors. I fell in love with the place. I felt like standing in the center of Mother Earth with mountains surrounding me.

I wish we were able to witness the stars at night. However, we had to go before sunset else, we would be walking down the hill. There were only a few public transportation...mostly you would meet them by chance. I could not risk my feet, I was wearing my three inch heels. Luckily, we were able to ride a jeepney with a Php 10 fare up to JY Square. Next time I will be there, I will bring a cam...I hope my soon to be husband will finally buy one... hehehehe

theme redesign

just redesigned my theme because some add-on's won't work. tried uploading the "poll" but it destroyed my old theme. i know the theme was a bit "purfect" for this blog but had to come up with another one to compliment the features i wanted for this blog.

do hope you'll like my new theme guys.

additionally, i'm helping out with hubby on his new initiative. actually it's a free links directory site wherein you can submit links for free. i don't know what he's up to but i'm pretty sure he's up to something really amazing.

i should live healthy

The start of 2009 was not at all healthy. Rodel's father got hospitalized then got sick again. On the other hand, Rodel is scheduled for an endoscopy tomorrow while I am feverish since last Saturday. I don't know what will come next after today. I have been taking paracetamol, yet I still feel a bit feverish most especially in the evening. Rodel's gerd has been bothering him for almost three months now. Bottomline, why are all the people getting sick? I was promoting healthy living for this year, but it is not yet realized. I was planning to buy a juicer to make carrot juice, apple juice and the like. Rodel is excited for his everyday online earnings, but what are we going to do with those dollars if we are sick? Life wouldn't be as enjoyable. Health is wealth indeed. We cannot do things we want to do if we are not healthy. Proper diet is important and regular exercise. Hek! as if observe these proper diet and regular exercise. Life now is a fast pace and it seems there ain't no time. Yeah, I know this is not a valid excuse. However, I just cannot find the luxury to do so or I'm just a lazybone. Ok ok ok....I will try to wake up early so I can walk going to my workplace than ride a jeep. I can burn lots of calories, fats..etc..I hope so. I will refrain from eating fried food and fatty ones, I hope the canteen will serve healthy foods. They could have provided a suggestion box..mmmmm.. Anyway, it is all in the mind. Self-discpline is important and health education... Go girl! Live a healthy life.

why scamper

A month ago, I, together with Jang2x and Rodel watched Igor right after dinner. Igor was the main character of the story while he had two friends with him Brain and Scamper. I thought scamper was a cat, but he turned out to be a rabbit who wanted to die. However, no matter how many times he killed himself, he would still come back to life. He was created to be that way. For others, death is the most scariest truth. Unfortunately or fortunately, it is inevitable. Scamper had only one wish and that was to die. For him, life is like a wishy-washy movie.

Sometime last year, I had somewhat the same perspective. Life was just an insipid journey that I had struggled to undertake. The only difference was that I did not attempt to end my life. Waking up every single day was a pain in the ass, so I just set my mind that I was an actress though in an endless play. I did what I had to do as a daughter, sister, employee, citizen, tenant, debtor, but not a friend nor to others or myself. I was the villain actress of the play who killed heroes. Worst, I became an enemy of my own self. I was slowly burying myself in a quicksand.

Back to Igor, scamper saved the lives of his friends. That was when he realized he was not a useless invention. He wanted to live because life is beautiful after all. He had seen his true value and was thankful that he was created.

I became so dumbfounded with the painful reality that life threw upon me. When my cousin died because of committing suicide, I was stuck in silence for more than 30 days. Things happen for a purpose they say. Why do we always blame everything on that purpose. We always have that fear of the unknown. Life is what you make it. I am responsible for my actions. I felt guilty for hating myself because it was equivalent of hating the One who created me. I also am sorry for hurting the people who love me and thankful for those who hurt me. I only have myself to blame because I allowed myself to be bitter.

To my father, you may not be the ideal husband, but your love for me is more than enought to be the best father.

To my cousin, if only I understood you more and had given us the chance to reconcile, I would not miss you this much.

To my friends, thank you for making me feel valuable.

To my broken home, we will always be family.

Healing is a process. I am writing down why I should live.

Globelines sucks sequel

I though that my intermittent problem was solved. Well, yes, I have an internet connection after a whole month of calling and talking to their incompetent customer service agents, but hell!, i get outages everyday. To make it so unfortunate, I recently applied for an upgrade to 1mbps thinking that i would get faster connection. It turned out useless. It has been a year of a crappy service from Innove Communications inc. under their Globe Broadband Service. I ran the speed test last night and the result was so nerve wracking. All this time, my connection is running way below 1mbps. I cannot enjoy video streaming and other stuff. I feel devastated by grief and frustration. I was over the lock-in period, but because I had it upgraded, I would have another year of lock-in. Otherwise, I have to pay Php 2,xxxx.xx to have it disconnected. I have called twice this month complaining. They all say the same thing "there is an ongoing network restoration in my area." Although I do not understand what it really means, they could have given me at least a time frame on when that network restoration will end. I read a blog posted sometime august 2007 and Globe also said the same reason. To sum it up, they had been restoring their network since 2007 and up to date...??? and restore? i doubt. I don't know what it completely means. The rep I talked to last time was KIRK. He was giving me the runaround.

Since this has been ongoing from 2007 up to now, hence, there is no resolution. They are really not doing anything. Network restoration is just a stupid rebuttal. Hello globelines?! can't you think of another excuse? something believable? c'mon! you better close your company. This is all nonsense! I am not just wasting my money, but my time and other opportunities. I am so mad at them. I am paying for 1mbps, but I'm getting one hell of crap service! I am regretful doing business with them and even giving them a chance. There will be no more chances now. I will stop doing business with them soon. A month is too long.

Globelines sucks 09.26.08

Last September 7, 2008, i opened my laptop, but i was not able to access the internet. I was not surprised because it had been on and off since I got my landline with broadband package. I thought it was normal because downtimes are inevitable. There is no such thing as perfect. The following day was my day off, so again I checked if it was working. and Oh my God, it was too much, there was no connection yet. I called the hotline number and they told me they would make a report. Weeks passed and there was no improvement. I was not receiving a feedback. I patiently called their hotline number almost everyday and was hearing the same reasons. In fact, I had memorized their script. I sent three emails, but received auto-replies. I don't think they are reading their emails because if they are, I should have received maybe at least one feedback. I had spoken to a lot of different customer service representatives and was not satisfied with the information they were giving me. The last customer service representative I spoke to was Dylan delos Reyes or Santos, I cannot remember his last name. He was apologetic. He promised me that he would prioritize my concern because it had been so long already. I was convincing myself to regain confidence in them because of his assurance that he would handle this issue accordingly. I had become an irate customer and was tempted to curse them. However, I still remained professional though I was blunt in expressing my dissatisfaction with their service. I became tired of calling their hotline number. I even asked permission from my mother that I will not pay the next bill. I prefer to have it disconnected than continue doing business with them, but not getting what we are paying for. Last September 22, 2008 someone from Globe came over to my pad. I felt relieved because they would be fixing my problem. I was confused because the repairman came over to repair my landline. It is not the landline that I am having problems with, but the broadband. He told me they would let the broadband people come over. I waited the whole day, but nobody came. I finally went to the Globelines center at Sm City Cebu and was able to talk personally to a customer service representative. I found out that they really thought it was my landline that needed repair. Wtf!!!!!???? I repeatedly called about my broadband and not my landline. The lady I was talking to had an attitude and was not looking me at the eye. That is not good customer service. I was thinking that they should retrain all their customer service representatives. They were not listening to me after all these times. I was just wasting my time calling them.

September 27, 2008 came and I received a call. It was a call from Globe and they asked me to check my internet connection. Finally, it is fixed. The man told me that they have been calling my pad, but could not get ahold of me. Of course, they could not get ahold of me just like that because I am working. I remembered leaving my cell phone number to all customer service representatives I had talked to. Where did it go? Bottom line, there was poor communication. I am happy now that I have a connection again. I wish they addressed my issue right off the bat. It was such a horrible experience for me. Good luck to them.

May someone from Globe be able to read this one, so they can improve their service as well as their customer service.

thanks to anna and rodel!

I just wanna say thank you to Anna, my officemate and friend. She introduced blogging to me last year. We started blogging at friendster. Later, she discovered blogspot. She encouraged me to do the same and explore new things with this new trend. I say new trend because before we only have a notebook and pen. Now, it is paperless. With technology governing all walks of life in the 2oth century, everything can be done in the net. Finally, to Rodel, my mentor/partner in everything. He is actually making a buck out of this thing. It amazed me. I did not know that we can actually make a living out of it. As of now, making a buck is not yet my main goal. I just needed a space to write down everything. I was into diary way back my elementary days. I needed everything documented if possible for two reasons: gradual memory loss and an outlet in times of depression. Such horrible truth! Rodel is helping me understand what is going on the worldwide web. I am not even sure if I am giving justice to this word. Both of them are helping me with all these stuff. I am excited to learn new ideas and tips from all the experts.

To Anna and Rodel, cheers!