goodbye

When was the first time I uttered the word goodbye? It was when mama and papa was going to work and I was left with my yaya. "buh-bye darling!" Probably, like all other kids left at home, I was crying on top of my lungs. "buh-bye darling!" this phrase has been said all over again up to the present time. During the time my father sent me to school during my elementary years, buh-bye was always paired with a kiss. When my mother flew to Manila to take the bar, she said buh-bye with her right arm waving at the port. I could only remember the heat of my tears as they were rolling on my cheekbones. After my high school graduation rites, we were singing the song "farewell." It was supposed to be a joyous celebration, but why were the people crying and hugging after saying goodbye? After that, I rarely see my two closest friends, Charesse and Kate. I moved in the city to study college eight years ago. My mother accompanied me to my boarding house, but she left later that day to go back to Argao. She uttered "buh-bye darling" and I was left all alone for the nth time. I met Sarah, my first roommate, but she eventually bid goodbye during our second semester. She transferred to another boarding house. I bid goodbye in return and my small room became so big for me. After college, I parted ways with my uddies, Sweet and Jem. I did not receive text messages anymore asking "do you have an assignment for tomorrow's class?" Last April 2007, I left my first employer. I surely was going to miss my second family, my closest officemates. Leaving them was part of my growth. I did say goodbye one cold afternoon. September of the same year, papa left the house. Though goodbye was left unsaid, coming back seemed impossible. Last year, my cousin took her life. I have not heard a word from her for three years. I whispered goodbye on her burial with a lot of what ifs running at the back of my mind. On that same year mother left us for the second time. I could not find the courage to say goodbye while crying like a baby at the airport. On that same year again, von sent me a text message on his way to the airport. For the second time my heart got broken. For the second time he said goodbye. For the second time I was crying hard because of that goodbye... It was final. Now, if there is one person I don't want to say goodbye besides my family, it would be "Rodel". People come and go. Even if to say goodbye would become a must, I still could not see the good in it.